Sep 2, 2009

The Deformity of Reservoir Mum

Seems to me that kids start having body issues as soon as they're fully aware that they have one. Tyson held his hand up today and looked at it for a good ten seconds. Going by the look on his four-month-old face, it wouldn't have surprised me to hear him screaming 'Get it off me, its eating my arm!'

When I tickled his foot to calm him down he smiled and giggled while his eyes said, "Dad, where the hell is that sensation coming from?"

"You should be a bit more concerned that your eyes are talking," I replied.

At the shopping centre yesterday, Lewis kept pulling my t-shirt down and pointing out to anyone close by that I had hair everywhere. I tried to distract him with all the pretty lights but he was too persistent and so I tackled it head on:

Reservoir Dad: Yep, I'm hairy. You'll grow hair on you chest one day too, mate.
Lewis: No. I won't.
Reservoir Dad: Yep, you will.
Lewis: I won't!
Reservoir Dad: Uh, you will. You'll get hair everywhere. Be happy. It's cool.
Lewis: Oh, yeah. I will. And on my arms and on my legs and on my hair and my face and eyes and bum-bum (etc etc etc)

So going by his enthusiastic little summation, in twenty years we can expect Lewis to turn up to family dinners looking like this -
Of course, when it comes to boys (and men) and body image issues, you can't beat the penis (did I just write that?). At this point in time, in our house, it's referred to as the 'willy'. Just so you're sure of what we're referring to, here's one I prepared earlier -

Archie, Lewis and Tyson all have one (that's one each, not one between them) and the obsession with them is clear (and familiar). In a few short years Arch and Lewy have shown me the amazing things you can do with a willy. Here's a short list -
  • stretch and twist it, get-the-chewy-off-your-boot style, to the point where it seems like it just might snap
  • dip it, by squatting down, into cups, buckets, boots, just about everything
  • paint it
  • wiggle it enthusiastically by swivelling the hips
  • include it in daily conversation
Being a grown man, who has a willy himself, I fully understand the curiosity/obsession involved and I'm qualified enough to explain to the boys that they will never ever tire of it. Only difference between Reservoir Dad as a child and Reservoir Dad now, is that it was my Mum who told me to 'get my hands off it' in my childhood, these days it's Reservoir Mum.

Anwyay, thought I'd leave you with this little occurance. When Archie was two-ish and fresh from the exploration and discovery of the willy, he followed Reservoir Mum into the toilet. When Reservoir Mum stood up Archie leaned close, looked at the front of her, then looked at the back of her, and with all the toddler-ish concern he could muster, said:

"Mummy? Willy gone...?"

Soon, we will have to tell him about the Fagina (stay tuned for future posts on that one!), but for the time being he can go on believing that Mummy's just a little bit deformed in her pants.

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recycleddad said...

Hey, RD. You moderate us, but who moderates you?! :)

This post reminds me of my youngest son at about 2.5 years old. His grandma was helping toilet-train him. She stood him by the toilet and said, "OK, Jacob, go pee pee." Uninterested, he gave the excuse "Pee pee broken."

Mr.Man said...

Dude. I'm at a loss for words...except to say "good job" for teaching the willy (not the willy itself. know what I mean)


Daddy Files said...

That's a great story!

You should tell him that Reservoir Mom's may be missing, but it's OK because she's got yours in a box on the shelf in the closet!

Teacher Tom said...

This is the funniest, most insightful penis post I've ever read. This is why boys need their dads.

I'm now inspired to write a penis post on my blog. I'll make sure to link to this one.

Otter Thomas said...

Our son likes to play with his and he is just a baby. We definitely get the willy fascination at birth.

PJ Mullen said...

It's the first thing my little man goes after at diaper changing time. It is getting quite annoying.

Scott said...

Remind me, if I ever get to your neck of the woods, not to drink out of any cups.

WeaselMomma said...

Paint it? That cracked me up.

Keith Wilcox said...

My boys are firmly committed to their willies these days. All the time, hands down the pants, naked running around, whipping it out with guests in the house. It's not like I taught them to be little exhibitionists, they decided that on their own. I know there are tons of psychological papers written on the topic, but I've been too lazy to read any of them. So, for me, it's just funny as, apparently, it is for you too. :-)