Aug 28, 2008

The Second NDG Leaping Competition

The last time the Northern Dads Group was held at our house a spontaneous game developed between the The Dads and The Kids on the front porch. From this week’s group email it appears it has become a regular and hotly contested event. Unfortunately, some cynicism surrounds the event as evident in the following articles from NDG regulars, Dan and Jack.

Broadcasting Controversy Surrounds Upcoming NDG Leaping Contest

Looking forward to the upcoming Leaping from the Doorstep to the Shrubbery Contest. Can The Dads snatch victory from the jaws of defeat and put The Kids back where they belong??

In breaking news, Channel 7 have announced that they have exclusive screening rights to the world event, and are committed to showing live, uninterrupted coverage of the whole competition.

Well, maybe not live, but delayed by only a matter of a few minutes. Or maybe to be shown 'coming up next' at some ill-defined point in the next few hours. Or possibly, the event will be 'still to come', sometime within the next five years. And maybe not the whole competition, but 'key moments' of the final stages. Or it could be a super slow-mo collage of Leaps from Clever Angles (maybe they'll attach a camera to a real-life competitor’s shoe!).

Channel 7 feel that this studied approach will bring out the true spirit and passion of Competitive Leaping, rather than showing anything so boring or time consuming as the whole sequence of actual events as they unfold.

Reservoir Dad’s Foreign Correspondent, Dan.

Opening Ceremony Leak Stirs Critics

Of course, the opening ceremony for this event will be a multi-million dollar spectacle, choreographed by the local communist party and performed by thousands of ultra-trained elite soldiery who may well be more athletic than the athletes themselves.

The voices of the dads will be provided by less cute dads, who will be concealed somewhere in the back yard and provide dubbed dialogue by microphone.

Internet use will be restricted during the duration, and any children who choose to complain during the event will be required to submit an application to protest in one of the appointed "protest parks", and then be arrested and sent to the provinces for "re-education".

At the end of the balcony jumping, David Beckham (or if David is not available due to contract restrictions, Dan’s son Mikey) will kick a football into the adoring throng from the top of an unfolding double-decker bus. Or Dan's Magna.

An appointed dad will declare the event "The best rose bed jumping ever!". The ceremonial cigarette lighter will then be extinguished before the athletes do a lap of honour before returning to their own houses for a ticker tape parade, (or a nap, depending on their own proclivities).

The Dalai Lama will not be invited.

Chief Sports Writer, Jack.

I can tell you as an insider that there were some sore Dads limping around after the last competition. In the build up to this week's game weights have been lifted, roads have been run, bikes have been ridden and body hair has been waxed and stored for later use.

Rumours suggesting that several Dad’s have been implicated in a plot to spike The Kids pre-game drinks with Phenergon are completely unfounded.

Stay tuned early next week for a comprehensive report on the games.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Here's $50 that says The Kids have peaked far too early, and The Dads will wrap it up in the first round, and still have time for one last espresso before the rush to the chiropractor.